Giving my ship a chance to sail

I must think of this blog as a journal, because I do the same thing with journals. I start off with a gung-ho attitude, the best of intentions to write on a regular basis and to put my thoughts to paper.  Then in a few months my entries are fewer and farther between until I feel that I have to write an apology entry for going so long without writing. The sad part of that is, it's a journal - no one is reading it but me, so who am I apologizing to? I wrote an apology post on this blog as well, but let's be honest, with two followers, no one cares that I'm not posting regularly here either. I would feel more worried that I'm not making the commitment to writing on my blog, except for the fact that the reason I'm not writing here is because I'm actually writing a lot more often on my novel. I'm almost to the point where I can plug in some scenes from the short story, and when I do, I'll have over fifty pages written and five chapters done. I'm actually a little bit impressed with myself. I'm not known for writing long pieces. As with my journals, I start off productive but never finish. I either lose interest in the story or I go back and read what I've written, deem it horrendous, and trash it. I am thrilled that this isn't the case with Gayle. I don't know if I'm getting more forgiving of my lack of writing talent, or if my writing skills are improving, but when I read all that I have written so far of Gayle, I enjoy it like any other book I would read from the book store or library and want more - which in turn inspires more of the storyline and I write more. It's an incredibly exciting thing. Because I am writing a story that I would want to read, I'm actually enjoying the process of writing - possibly for the first time. I've always loved the idea of writing, always wanted to be a writer, but I never took joy in it because I never thought my writing was any good. It's like one of those American Idol tryouts who talk about how much they love to sing and want to sing for a living and then they're tone deaf. But in my case, I wasn't tone deaf so to speak, but I was so critical of myself and had such expectations that I was sinking my own ship before it had a chance to sail. Perhaps my age (and subsequent maturity) is allowing me to finally do the thing that I love so much without so much judgment from myself. Honestly, there will be plenty of people who will judge my work once it's finished so I should cut myself some slack. So, in keeping with cutting myself some slack, I will post more, but I can't guarantee how soon it will be. Also, I am still thinking about posting the short story version of Gayle so if anyone is reading this and would like to read it, let me know.

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